For Those of You who Find Yourself Absent from Your Mother, on Mother’s Day

aurora lady moon blog

For Those of You who Find Yourself Absent from…

NOTE: This original piece was written in 2014, far before the pandemic of 2020. It is for this reason that there is mention social distancing or staying home entirely. Staying home, if you have the choice, is a beautiful testament of love for your community and yourself.

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For those whose mother’s have passed on or are estranged from; I have found my own ways of getting through this difficult day, and I wanted to share them with you.

The biggest gift I can give to you is that of pulling on your Virgo hat and planning ahead! I’m not saying to fill your day up with activities. NAY to that unless, of course, it sounds delightful to you! What I am saying is to know when Mother’s Day is coming up, and then think about how you’d like to spend it. All suggestions and ideas are good ways to spend your time. I just don’t want you to open your social media apps the morning of Mother’s Day and see post after post about moms… and then have to contend with feelings that are painful without any tools to help you through. So open up your calendar NOW– I’ll wait!– and mark it out for however you want to spend that 24-hour span.

Here are some ideas that I’ve experimented with. They might not all be your jam, but if one feels good to you, give it a go.

* Get off social media for the day. Don’t open Facebook, Instagram, or any other networking apps. These often bring up feelings I’m not able to process clearly, and it’s a bombardment that feels overwhelming. I spend a good part of my year processing my parental shit, there’s no need to add more layers on top of it during this time period.

* If you are comfortable with it, seek out the awesome mothers in your life. I generally call those moms and just let them know I love them and appreciate them, but I also keep the calls short (2-3 minutes) and to the point for my own well being. I used to go to Mother’s Day’s brunches with friends’ mothers, before I figured out what I needed–I do better with little check-ins and drops of love on Mother’s Day, rather than a day full of EMOTIONS. Feel out what distance feels good for you. Nothing is absolutely always an option!

* Listen to music that doesn’t facilitate stress. Meditate. Curl up in blankets and read a fantasy novel. Basically, do all the things that bring peaceful feelings. Or one thing. You are completely in charge of how this could look.

*Don’t schedule any appointments or lunches out, unless seeing mom/kid teams out and about doesn’t stress you out. Seek out friends that are motherless for the day as well. Have a bbq. Play cards. Talk about what you’re drawing in your sketchbook. Write a story together. Do all the things that help you bond and chill out.

* I am not one for looking through old pictures of my mom and I together (it’s too emotionally charged for me) but I do try to think a few days ahead of activities that I can do on Mother’s Day to honor her memory. I usually end up trying a new recipe in the kitchen or reading a book, two luxuries she enjoyed when she had the time. This helps me feel close to her without having that mountain of sadness around me.

* If you need to be upset or sad, I get it, and I think you should do it. For me, this is easier when I call a friend that knows how to be present with me. I mean really be with me, not asking questions, not trying to fix things. Sometimes I just want someone to make me tea and hold me while I cry. That’s good friend stuff.

I am thinking of you and you are not alone today.
xo

A. Lady
1 COMMENT
  • Sheryl
    Reply

    Thank you, Aurora! Boy, I needed to read this… I miss my mom every day and seeing happy people with their moms always undoes me. It’s not that I’m envious, it just puts it in my face a little too much. I’m heartbroken over her hard life and her equally hard death. I’m going to take care of myself today and honor the “other” moms in my life…

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