For Those of You who Find Yourself Absent from Your Mother, on Mother’s Day

Aurora Lady Jennifer Emerling blog

For Those of You who Find Yourself Absent from…

Aurora Lady Jennifer Emerlingphoto by Jennifer Emerling.


For those whose mother’s have passed on or are estranged from– I have found my own ways of getting through this difficult day, and I wanted to share them with you.

* Get off social media for the day. Don’t open Facebook, Instagram, or any other networking apps. These often bring up feelings I’m not able to process clearly, and it’s a bombardment that I can’t process all at once. I spend the rest of my year processing my parental shit, there’s no need to add more layers on top of it during this 24 hour period.

* If you are comfortable with it, seek out the awesome mothers in your life. I generally call those moms and just let them know I love them and appreciate them, but I also keep the calls short (2-3 minutes) and to the point for my own well being. I used to go to Mother’s Day’s brunches with friends’ mothers, before I figured out what I needed–I do better with little check ins and drops of love Mother’s Day, rather than a day full of EMOTIONS. Feel out what distance feels good for you.

* Listen to music that doesn’t facilitate stress. Meditate. Curl up in blankets and read a fantasy novel. Basically, do all the things that bring peaceful feelings.

*Don’t schedule any appointments or lunches out, unless seeing mom/kid teams out and about doesn’t stress you out. Seek out friends that are motherless for the day as well. Have a bbq. Play cards. Have makeovers. Do all the things that help you bond and chill out.

* I am not one for looking through old pictures of my mom and I together (it’s too emotionally charged for me) but I do try to think a few days ahead of things that I can do on Mother’s Day to honor her memory. I usually end up trying a new recipe in the kitchen or reading a book, two luxuries she enjoyed when she had the time. This helps me feel close to her without having that mountain of sadness around me.

* If you need to be upset or sad, I get it, and I think you should do it. However, for me this is easier when I call a friend that gets it and can just be with me. I mean really be with me, not asking questions, not trying to fix things. Sometimes I just want someone to make me tea and hold me while I cry. That’s good friend stuff.

I am thinking of you and you are not alone today.

A. Lady
  • Sheryl

    Thank you, Aurora! Boy, I needed to read this… I miss my mom every day and seeing happy people with their moms always undoes me. It’s not that I’m envious, it just puts it in my face a little too much. I’m heartbroken over her hard life and her equally hard death. I’m going to take care of myself today and honor the “other” moms in my life…

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